BUILD A STRONG MARRIAGE WITH REAL APOLOGIES AND APPRECIATION — NOT PLANNED ONES.

Abdulrafiu Arikewuyo
4 min readOct 17, 2023

Small Acts, Big Impact: Apology and Appreciation in Your Marriage

Image by Alexa from Pixabay

Did your spouse sometimes buys you gift and says he’s sorry for all he did or she says she’s grateful for all you’ve been doing for her? These gestures hold the essence of what we’re about to explore — the transformative power of genuine apology and appreciation in marriage.”

Some responsible spouses have a way of setting aside special moments to celebrate, appreciate, and apologize (as the case may be) to their spouse. Usually, moments like these are pre-planned with messages, gifts, surprises, etc., to make the spouse happy.

This laudable effort can add extra flavor to the marital relationship.

However, it is not enough. In fact, it is not the main deal.

As a spouse, you will agree with me that almost every minute of your marriage provides an opportunity to apologize, appreciate, and celebrate your spouse

These are valuable moments that you can use to further strengthen your marriage. The good news is that such moments are inexpensive because they don’t require money, but the bad news is that it is usually difficult to do it due to so many factors, such as judgment, timing, anger, among others.

Let me break this down for you.

Appreciation

It’s rare for an hour to pass without your partner doing something deserving of a “thank you” or a simple “well done.” Besides their career responsibilities, they are engaged in household chores, cooking, childcare, and attending to your needs.

And if they’re not actively doing these tasks, they’re contemplating them.

Hence, they yearn for a consistent stream of appreciation and encouragement to replenish their energy and keep their motivation levels high. If, for any reason, you can’t offer physical assistance, the least you can do is offer words of appreciation — and do so consistently.

In contrast, you will realize that scheduling appreciation to a particular time, though good, is less impactful as compared to doing it right now. Most men struggle with this. They don’t seem to see the need to say thank you, especially at the moment of need, and this is real appreciation.

Apologising

This concept also applies to apologizing to your spouse. Extending an apology in the heat of the moment when you’ve committed an error can be challenging but profoundly impactful.

So, instead of apologizing right there and then, some couples will rely on planned apologies — a time when they will just generalize the apology rather than taking full responsibility. This often sounds like,

“I apologize for everything I did wrong to you in the last month.”

And if you ask her to recall these wrongdoings, she might become blank.

While planned apologies can have their place to strengthen bonds, a real apology is extremely important to avoid fractures in the first place.

A real apology shows that you are a brave man or a woman of value.

It requires that you take responsibility and then make a sincere apology. For example,

“I know I was supposed to make the meal, but I was completely carried away with my phone. I am so sorry; I will make amends right away.”

That’s powerful. Though it can be difficult, it is very impactful.

Dry Apology

And avoid making a dry apology. As a man, for instance, you know you neglected her last night and stayed married to your phone, which led her to sleep angrily. You know this.

The next morning, instead of you to accept that mistake, apologize and make amends, you find yourself saying things like, “I am sorry if I did anything wrong last night.” That’s dry.

Why not be brave enough to accept that you are wrong by getting intimately connected with your phone at the expense of quality time with your wife? Odds are she has some burning issues she wanted to discuss with you, but you will not pay attention; instead, you are chatting with a faceless friend you have never met and may never meet.

Conclusion

“Now, dear readers, let me share a story that brings these principles to life. Imagine you’re in your cozy living room on a chilly evening, sipping your favorite tea. You glance over at your partner who’s been busy all day. They look tired but content.

You know that today, they tackled a mountain of responsibilities, from work deadlines to household chores. Instead of taking their efforts for granted, you seize the moment, walk over, and give them a warm hug, saying, ‘Thank you for being my rock today.’

That small, heartfelt act has the power to mend the day’s stresses and fortify your bond. You see, it’s these everyday moments that weave the tapestry of a loving marriage, moments that don’t demand grandeur, just authenticity.”

So, what’s the key takeaway from all of this? Think of your marriage as a beautiful garden. Just like any garden, it requires constant care and attention. Neglecting it can lead to a slow withering away, and sometimes, the damage becomes irreversible.

But here’s the good news — nurturing your marriage doesn’t demand grand gestures or expensive gifts. It’s all about the small, consistent acts of love and understanding. Imagine it as watering your garden daily. The real apology and appreciation? They’re like the sunlight and rain that make your marital garden flourish.

Thanks for reading.

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Abdulrafiu Arikewuyo

Abdulrafiu Arikewuyo is a teacher and a writer. On a mission to change the school model.