Abdulrafiu Arikewuyo
3 min readJan 26, 2022

What is that one thing you wish you did before you get married?

Often time, once we crossed a hurdle, it appears it never existed. One of my university lecturers used to say that when you look at people above you, it appears that once they get to the top, they removed the ladder they climb to reach that height. Therefore, those coming behind will have no idea how to reach such position.

It is for this reason that I will like to share this thought with younger folks. So you can have an idea of the hurdle we crossed and learn from it.

One thing I wish I did before getting married. Although I have no regrets, I however think it is important to share this.

The one thing I wish I did differently is seeking knowledge about the marital journey. I wish I learn more, know more at that time. The thing is, there is no school where these things are thought and parents are too busy to also sensitize their children about marriage — the last thing on the priority list.
The onus is however on the adult who felt they are set to marry to seek this knowledge — yes, the knowledge of marriage. Once you feel you’re ripe for marriage, it is imperative that you are responsible enough to stuck yourself up with the necessary skill and tips on how to navigate the journey.

Marriage is never a bed of roses nor Hollywood romantic fantasies. Though, it is also not a bed of thorns as there are so many sweet experiences there, trust me. But, it comes with responsibilities.
It comes with responsibilities that require that you are physically and mentally ready to manage. More importantly, you have to know that you are not marrying only to enjoy the fantasies of honeymoon and candle nights with your spouse, you are committing to work together and create an environment upon which you will nurture a new generation that will come to become responsible adults and not liabilities.

So, parenting becomes another level of responsibility you must be conscious about. This, I wish I learn before getting married. Truth is, I am enjoying the ride big time and I thank Allah for such a blessing. I however believe if I had known more, I would have been able to do certain things differently and by extension, enjoy more.

I was deliberate before getting married, I was clear I truly wanted to swim in the ocean of marital responsibilities, however, with what I now know, I believe I would have been a better husband and father, had I invest in more personal development. I got to know this reality as I grow in marriage and increase in knowledge and experience. I feel if I learn these things earlier enough, I would have been the best husband and father in our time.

So, don’t go in unprepared and the key to preparation is to seek knowledge.

And here, I am not talking about a mere public lecture or motivational speech where you just get excited to start the journey with no tangible skills. I am talking about real hardcore learning such as workshops, seminars, courses that will break everything down and enlighten you with the requisite skills to sail the ship successfully.

There are so many things to learn about — Personal finance, Self-care, Communication, Conflict Resolution, Parenting, Emotional intelligence, Spirituality, etc.

Finally, if you are married, it is never too late to seek knowledge and if you are not, it is good timing to learn about the marital journey.

Good luck

Abdulrafiu Arikewuyo



Abdulrafiu Arikewuyo

Abdulrafiu Arikewuyo is a teacher and a writer. On a mission to change the school model.